Every Day

Every day, I wake up not knowing if it will be the last time I get to see my boyfriend. I wake up, smile, hold him a little longer and thank God for the time I’ve had. I kiss him goodbye, not knowing if it will be the last kiss I ever receive from him.

Every day, I watch him get ready for another night of wearing 50 pounds of duty gear, a uniform that is not exactly comfortable, and he physically prepares for a job where he will hear more and see more than I ever will.

Every day, I see him go to a job that he loves-go to a job that he was designed for. I hear how great of an officer he is, and how I should never feel unsafe with him by my side. I see him risk his life every single day to “Protect & Serve”, even though a vast majority of the community he sacrifices for hates him.

Every day I prepare myself for the calls that I will never hear him respond to.

He has shed blood and tears, and he goes back to face it again the next day. Over his career he will experience all of this a million times and then some more and he will continue to do his job- the job that he knows was right for him.

I hear him recount the events from his night, and thank God that he is here with me, and I am thankful that he was able to come home and spend a little more time with me.

Every day I worry, I stress,  I prepare for the possibility that he may not come home, and that I may receive a knock on my door from one of my coworkers saying that he won’t. I fear that I may have to face that someday, because in our world people have begun to believe that it is acceptable to harm our Law Enforcement just because a group of people have this crazy thought that we would be better off without them.

We have criminals walking the street who would rather shoot our officers than face prison because they believe they will have more time in the real world that way. We have protesters walking and blocking our roads because “Black Lives Matter” and anyone else is insignificant at this point in time-that they are the only ones hurting. I watch people chant obscene things and wish my best friend dead because he is an officer, and that must mean he is a murderer.

Every day, I fear for his life. Every day, I watch him go and do what he is best at. I say a prayer that he returns home safe. I say a prayer that God protect not only him but his brothers and sisters as well because He knows what it’s like to have a target on his head if anyone does. I pray that we have the opportunity to get married and have children, and that someone doesn’t take that from us. But, I am also smart enough to know that my fears may become reality someday, because while he was trying to protect someone in the community he serves, someone else saw it fit to take his life. It is not fair, and it is not right, but it is what our world has come to.

Every day, I think about how blessed and safe I am with him by my side. I think about how honored I am to say that I have a LEO for a life partner. I think about how lucky I am that God placed him in my life when He did and how I could not be more proud to be spending my life with the person that was made for me.

Every day I am thankful, because we both know that as our world is at this time, tomorrow may never come.

 

 

 

 

 

Things to know when you love an officer

Three years ago, I would have never imagined myself dating an officer. But, in our short two years together I have learned quite a lot.

 

1. There’s no point in planning for future vacations or events. There’s a good possibility that you can make plans and the week before he will get switched shifts or something will happen and he will have to work. There goes your getaway.
2. You will probably panic on occasion. If you work days you will have trouble sleeping, especially at first. Every time you hear sirens you will wonder if that’s him. If you work nights you will be wondering what he is doing. If you’re like me, and you also work in law enforcement, you will get sick when you hear him getting dispatched to a large majority of calls. BUT, it will be okay. No matter what, you will make it through it.
3. If you have a scanner, get rid of it. It will cause way more anxiety listening to it at night.
4. Prepare yourself for the worst case scenario. Prepare yourself physically, mentally and emotionally to wake up to lights in your driveway and a knock at your door. Prepare yourself to bury the person you love more than air, because every night that they leave may be the last.
5. ALWAYS kiss them goodbye and try not to fight right before they leave for work. You don’t want them distracted on the job. Always kiss them goodbye and tell them to be safe because you need them. Love them unconditionally.
6. Don’t make them feel guilty for choosing this profession. It’s their passion, and you will often feel like you come second. It’s truly a case where they are married to their job, so don’t make them feel guilty for that.
7. You will not be able to show your fear regularly. It’s okay to express your concerns, but don’t do it to them all of the time. They know you’re scared, and they don’t need reminded. They just need you to be there for them when they’ve have a good day and especially when they’ve had a bad day. Don’t force them to talk about it if they don’t want to, but be there when they do. They need you.
8. The title of being in love with or loving an officer is not one that should be taken lightly. There are badge bunnies, but they don’t make it far. Many of us fell in love with our officers or knew our officers before they were officers. That does not mean we, or anyone else, get to take that lightly. We love them with everything we have to love with, and not just because they wear a uniform. That’s a pretty demanding job.

Mostly, remember to have sympathy. You have no idea, unless you’re in law enforcement, what they see and face on a daily basis. Keep that in mind when they come home angry, upset or need to vent. Don’t take it personal when they are on edge or defensive. Give them time to wind down, let them vent. Love them, hug them and kiss them. You never know if it’ll your last chance to make things right.

We Are NOT a Fairytale

Growing up, I was told countless times that I’d get my own fairytale. It took 20 years for me to realize that is not what I wanted.

My whole life I chased frogs thinking if I kissed the right one it would turn into a prince. I went for mentally, emotionally and even physically abusive guys thinking I could change them with my love.

That’s not real. Fairytales are not real.

So, when I met you, I realized that all of these ideals I had of love in my mind were wrong. I saw that love is work. It is not always hunky dory, hugs and kisses.

We are going to fight. We are not going to agree on everything. We are going to need each other at times and not realize how badly the other person needs us because both of us are stubborn and won’t say it out loud until it is almost too late. We will not always be the two most loving people on the Earth…

But we will love each other like we’ve never been loved.

We will hold each other when there are no words to say.

We will kiss when we feel like kissing, and we will hug when we feel like hugging.

We will tell each other we love each other at the end of the day and the beginning of every morning because I never want you or myself to question the love we have.

We will protect each other

We will not ever give up on the same day, ever.

We will fight for each other.

We will never allow the D word to be in our vocabulary.

We will never lie or cheat.

We will support each others dreams and desires no matter how crazy they may seem at the time, but also keep each other level minded and bring each other down to earth when need be.

We will lift each other up in our prayers, and we will never be so selfish that we only prayer for what is best for ourselves instead of our whole household.

I can’t promise you the world or even just a fairytale, but I can promise you all of this, and for me that’s a million times better than a fairytale. It is raw, and it is real, and it is us.

I love you.

Soulmates.. Are they fictitious?

Tonight, someone shared an article from a Christian POV on Soulmates. They feel that earthly Soulmates do not exist. Their reasoning is because only one Person, God, can complete you fully. 

I understand what they are saying, but I think they don’t quite grasp the concept of a soulmate…

Your soulmate does not complete you. Physically, yes. They can fill a void that nobody else can fill. Your soulmate, though, is not designed to complete you mentally and spiritually. Your soulmate is the person who pushes you to be a better person. They are the person who holds your hand, or simply holds you, when you’ve had a bad day. They pick up your broken pieces, even though that’s not their job, and help put you back together. Your soulmate is the person who touches your heart so deeply that there is no turning back because they’re love is so Strong and so passionate that you’ll never find that feeling again. Your soulmate pulls you back from the depths of your own mental hell and helps you see light on the darkest of your days. Your soulmate encourages, guides, pushes, loves, Is honest, is trustworthy, is loving, caring, a total catch. Your soulmate is your true physical and emotional love. Your soulmate was given to you by the person who wants to complete you. 

God is the only person who can complete you. He fills every crevice that is not filled yet. God wants to complete you. God also understands that not everyone can be like Paul and remain single. God, the One who completes you spiritually, designed someone for you specifically because He designed you and knew you were not a Paul and were not meant to remain unmarried. He designed you and He designed a soulmate to love you. God completes me spiritually, but I believe He gives us a soulmate to complete us physically. Someone to hold us physically while God holds us spiritually. Someone on Earth to convey God’s love for us and His desires for us daily. That’s a true soulmate.

So, while I understand their view…. I have to disagree. I’ve met my soulmate. God designed someone specifically for me, to love me and love me daily because I am no Paul. 
“4 I had gone but a little way past them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me.”

Song of Solomon 3:4

Clark Kent

My adult Years have been filled with sorrow-Pain established by a man who was not a man at all. He had never seen love. He was merely a boy who was never taught what it means to treat a woman with respect. His life revolved around material things… And I did not fit into his life because my life revolved around a Son who loved me and a Sun that nourished me. He broke me.

I needed life. I needed a hero- a Clark Kent.

And I found him. I found you. You breathed life into my wounded soul. You picked up my many bags and began to unpack. You wrapped me in a blanket of love and security which only consisted of your arms… But that’s all it took.

And you taught me what it was like to feel, and you taught me what it was like to experience love. True love.

That was you. Nobody else gets the credit. Nobody else has held my hand and pulled me close and wiped the tears from my eyes when I’ve been scared to sleep and scared to be alone. I acknowledged that. I must give praise where praise is due because others in the past haven’t done that for you.

But I do appreciate you. You picked up my heart and slowly began to mend it. You took a piece at a time in your hands and put pieces of yourself into it. You invested in me. You saw it fit to invest… In me.

You’re my Clark Kent, my Superman, my super human because that’s the kind of person it would take to love a soul so far gone- so beaten and bruised, and bring it back to life. You’re the only kind of man who could take these walls, break one down only to discover another… And immediately start chipping away again. And each day you get closer. You get closer to discovering the depths of me. And each day I love you more than I ever fathomed possible.

And each day you get more of me. Because you, My  Love, are more than I could have imagined for me. You’re better than the stories and the movies and the dreams. You are more than the wonders of the world because every day I wonder how God created such a masterpiece and did not allow me to experience you sooner.

Thank you,  for letting me see how the story is supposed to end…. That the view from above is much more beautiful than the view from where I began.

My Life Saver

Last night I had a severe allergic reaction to a cat scratch. I was swelling, red, itchy from the waist up and literally had sweat running down my body. It was probably the worst reaction I’ve ever had.

But, at the drop of a hat we get loaded in my wonderful boyfriend’s truck and make an emergency run for Benadryl. I was too embarrassed to go inside so he was left to find the medicine on his own and I have to say he gets a solid A+! Not to mention he came out with a rose too. Isn’t he the sweetest?

Needless to say, my boyfriend is my lifesaver. Not because of last night alone, but for so many other reasons.

When I am drowning in sorrow because my medicine has run its course, he’s the one pulling me above the waves. When I’m sick he’s the first one making sure I’m taken care of. When I thought my heart was broken beyond repair, he was the person putting me back together. He’s my person. He’s been my person! He will forever be my person, and I couldn’t have asked for a better soulmate. He’s truly saved my life.

How to keep your man faithful…

Is a disgusting statement.

The other day, someone said they read an article on “How to keep your boyfriend interested and faithful.” And they, like I would have done, cringed. How to keep a guy faithful… I just don’t like the way it sounds!

Here’s why-

You should not have* to make your man stay faithful. Point. Blank. Period. If he doesn’t love and respect you enough to stay faithful on his own then you deserve better.

You should not have to worry about your man being faithful in the first place. In this day and age, it is entirely too easy to cheat, but give them the benefit of the doubt. Trust them until they show you that you can’t.

Forcing a man to do anything will make him view you as a mother figure, and not in a good way. Yes, men are naturally attracted to women who have maternal characteristics… BUT not the characteristic that says, “I must hold my child’s hand, watch his every move, critique non stop and control who he sees, when he sees them, and where…. Because I’m his mom.” Guys hate that!

So, trying to tell a women how to keep her man faithful is equivalent to how to push a man away.

Source:

My own personal experience.

Signs You Used to Be IN LOVE with Softball

Since I used to be an athlete with my primary sport being softball, I feel that I have the knowledge on this particular subject to write this particular post!

1) You have more sliding scars than any other scars.

2) If you were a catcher, then you’ll understand my hatred for winter. Those knees aren’t going to massage themselves!

3) When you go to a little league game you have too high of expectations.

4) When you go get your nails done, you still try to imagine how it could interfere with season.

5) You want to coach a little league team, but know you’d be known as the overly dramatic coach. The rest are parents, they wouldn’t understand.

6) Last but certainly not least, You still keep at least a glove in your trunk… Just in case!

Good guys always finish last for a reason…

Pretty much every day I hear the phrase, “Good guys always finish last.” Followed up with a story of how they got their heart broken and some excuse as to why they’re no longer the good guy. “All of the girls go for the bad guys.” “Well Chad is a tool and he gets whoever he wants.”

Yea, well real women don’t want douche bags because they’ve been hurt and they’re looking for a good guy. The even bigger problem is that at my age, I’m not looking to settle down. I just want to live my life with my family and friends and go with the flow. All of the guys I’ve friend zoned are perfect boyfriend/husband/daddy material. Right now we want spontaneity and if a random guy comes along and makes things excited then we latch on and later discover he’s a douchebag followed up with heartbreak and… Well you know the story.

But I promise that is not at all what we want, but God saves the best for last and that is why the “good guys finish last”. They are prizes, treasures to hold on to for dear life. Below are a few examples:

For those of us who grew up watching Lizzy McGuire, Gordo was the Friend Zone King. However, on their senior trip, Gordo escapes the friend zone and the world awed in unison.

Ron Stoppable. What a hunk! If Ron were a real person, I would probably have the biggest crush on him. It takes a special kind of guy to put up with a girl like Kim!

Last but certainly not least,

Kelly repeatedly friend zoned Zach… But look who got married in Saved by the Bell: College Years!?

So, guys, you may finish last, but that just means God is saving you for someone special. Stick to who you are, and it will certainly pay off! For what it’s worth, some of us (Especially Me) prefer not to date at all unless it’s a good guy.

12 Worst Pieces of Advice I’ve Received On Relationships

The “L Word” was forbidden from my vocabulary for a few years. I thought I had experienced it, and I thought my experience totally blew! I dated a guy for three years who told me he was going to marry me someday… But then sex with a girl who wasn’t his became more appealing!

Then I realized, Love doesn’t suck! However, the advice I received from all types of people did suck. So, to save you the trouble, I have compiled the 12 worst pieces of advice about love and dating that I have received throughout the whole 20 years of my existence!

1) “If he’s picking on you, that means he likes you!”

We were told this when were little and I just want to say… When a boy is mean to you, he does NOT like you. He’s just being mean!

2) “Always follow your heart, Honey!”

Do not, at all costs, follow your heart. It doesn’t have the ability to be rational.

3) “He’s just scared that he’s going to lose you, cut him some slack.”

No.. He’s being controlling. If he is demanding to go everywhere with you, know who you’re talking to at all times, and won’t let you see your friends then he is not scared of losing you… he’s being crazy.

4) “Wait for a fairy tale, you’ll get yours.”

You do not, I repeat, YOU DO NOT WANT A FAIRYTALE! That’s way too predictable and boring. You’ll get sick of each other and heartbreak tends to occur and you think that because the Beauty put up with Beast’s verbal abuse, you should too. Scurt! No.

5) “If he takes an hour to reply, and you know he’s not doing anything, then you take twice as long to reply to his reply.”

I’m sorry, how old are we? 10? Oh, we’re 20? Oh…

7) “Post a picture of you and a guy you used to date on Fb or IG to make him jealous this TBT!”

Sorry, you’re not going to make him jealous. You’re going to make him think you’re not interested in him OR more interested in an old fling than whatever you two have got going on.

8) “If he wants to play games, then you play right back. Never be the fool.”

If I’m going to get played, I’m going to get played. If he genuinely cares, he won’t want to play games. Playing games pushes him away, not make him want you more.

9) “Since you and Tommy just broke up, we should go out and find a guy to get you over him.”

Do not make some innocent guy your rebound. That’s so rude.. And makes you look trashy. Let’s be honest.

10) “He’s just shy! You should make the first move.”

Nah, because if he’s too shy to talk to you then he’s too shy to defend you when the rest of the world is against you. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a shy guy, I love shy guys… but there’s a difference between shy and pansy.

11) “You have to make him a priority. Your time needs to be devoted to him.”

Okay, this one I agree with. I actually think you should make your man or woman a priority, but don’t neglect your family and friends in the process. They will be understanding if they are truly your friends but don’t forget to make time for them too. They had “possession” of you first, after all.

12) “Trust me, I’ve been in this exact situation. Just because he cheated doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. You guys will work out it… Even if me and Chad couldn’t.”

99.9% of the time they have not* been in this exact situation, and they will not be able to give you legitimate advice… besides, you’re not them! Every couple is different. Now, if he/she cheats on you, you’re not married or don’t have a contract to uphold then leave. Use your head.

There it is. The 12 worst pieces of advice I’ve ever received concerning relationships and love. What do you think? What are the worst pieces of advice you’ve ever received?